I so vividly remember feeling overwhelmingly helpless during those early years of our spectrum journey. I’m embarrassed to tell you that I was literally in tears during our first few IEP meetings because it was so hard for me to trust my boy to anyone. I cried and I cried and I cried and the “team” would assure me they would take care of my boy and, as a trusting young momma, I’d believe them. And, honestly, sometimes they did take care of my boy and those teachers were some of the most beautiful souls I’ve met on our journey. I’m still so eternally grateful for some of them.
But, other times, they didn’t take care of my boy. Though they were not necessarily bad people, they were also not good to my boy and I’m not sure if the damage that is heaped upon a child in those early years ever has the opportunity to be undone. It’s dangerous, as parents and guardians, to allow our own emotions (and sometimes grief) to cloud our view so much that we don’t see the educational environment clearly. Those years when I used my wishbone more than my own backbone are still not easy years to look back upon. I truly cried more than I grizzlied up.
I will tell you, eventually and thankfully, I stopped crying.
Eventually, I stopped feeling helpless.
Eventually, I stopped trusting that a teaching credential makes you a good person or qualifies any individual to spend time with my son in an educational setting. I would learn later that a teaching credential only assures a school district that the candidate has successfully completed a predetermined set of coursework. Now I understand it takes a whole lot more than a teaching credential to see a child’s potential and be a great teacher. It takes a special teaching heart that sees through the rough days and into the brilliance within the child. Great teachers also know that brilliance isn’t always easy to see at first because the shine can be clouded by a lot of other challenges.
Like I said, I eventually stopped crying.
Eventually, my backbone grew firm and the tears faded.
Eventually, I learned how the educational game is played.
Eventually I came to see that my son’s education would depend largely on my involvement in the school and my presence on campus. I also learned that I might not always be popular on campus and I would come to understand how much the teachers would not be my friends….because it’s all kinds of uncomfortable to try and hold “friends” accountable when IEP goals are not met, growth is not made or when the classroom environment is less than kind. “Educational relationships” are much easier to hold accountable when the educational goals or environment fall short. Eventually I learned that if I was present/involved on the campus, my boy would get better treatment because when teachers and admin know you will not go quietly and you will not let what goes on in his classroom be a mystery to you, teachers and admin step up with your child.
Just remember, teachers are like a box of chocolates too….you never know what you might get. And that’s okay as long as you are not the tearful mess that I once was. Be better than me and do more than cry. By all means, have that long, tearful cry and clear out all those emotions because we all know that’s a healthy, cathartic feeling and our emotional stability often depends on it. But, after the tears fall, don’t let it end there….move on to the next step and be vigilant with your child’s education and with their emotional well being. Praise those who have teaching hearts and stand firm and tall against those who don’t.
Strengthen that backbone and Grizzly Up, Wonder Souls.
Get to know your teachers, my friends, and don’t let fancy educational talk or glamorous clothes sway you. I kid you not when I tell you that one educational year has the opportunity to be a year filled to brimming with goals being met and progress being made or that one year can also be 180 school days of damage inflicted that can never be undone…. and no amount of tears falling will change that. You might not understand this yet, but you are stronger than you think and you can do this because your child’s future largely depends on it. Get to know your teachers, get to know the educational environment and then grizzly on up, Wonder Souls, and Sparkle On.