This happened on our way to school this morning. Just me and my spectrum kiddo during our five minute drive to middle school. Have I mentioned he floors me? Well, this time you could have scooped me up off the floor because I melted.
Mom: Nonny told me you mentioned to her that you were wondering if something would happen to you because you are autistic.
My boy: Yeah, I asked her that.
Mom: Does it bother you?
My boy: No. Not anymore. It was just something I wondered about.
Mom: You know autism just means your brain is wired differently, right?
My boy: It doesn’t feel any different, Mom.
Mom: Well, it’s not really, Buddy. Just means you are capable of some pretty great stuff. It’s actually pretty brilliant.
My boy: Mom, not really. As far as I can see….it’s pretty ordinary.
(speechless at this point and scrambling for some response..)
Mom: You know what, Buddy? You’re right.
And it occurs to me that most of the time I am in go-mode, in perpetual motion, always trying to stay out in front, put the supports in place, make sure he has what he needs, train the teachers, make sure the IEP reflects his needs, ensure we are not getting lazy or taking steps back….so much so that I didn’t realize that to him, it is all ordinary. He does not see it as brilliant or spectacular or difficult or any such thing…It is simply ORDINARY. Today, in a breath of fresh air from my boy, I was given the opportunity to see autism anew..through his eyes.
And, if you’d go find a snow shovel, I’d appreciate it if you’d scoop me up because flattened and floored is where I am <3. I love this kid. No matter how much I think I know him, he never ceases to make my jaw drop and leave me utterly speechless.